"Faith" (in Latin fidere, con-fidere = competely trust) is in the root of the word and confidence means to believe in ourselves, in our own abilities that we can manage. It also means to have the courage to try despite the chance of failure.
It is good to distinguish between confidence and overconfidence. If confidence means calm strength and self-belief, then overconfidence is close to arrogance or the so-called "unjustified self-confidence".
The difference can be described as follows: confidence means to be able to compare your inner views with the outer reality, the subjective ones with the objectivity. A confident person is able to assess their own strengths and look at them objectively. With overconfidence this line blurs and there is difference between abilities and demands. Such "boosting" covers the lack of confidence. Confidence is calm. It does not need to be proven, demonstrated and forced at all costs. Confidence does not need to be compared or demonstratively manifested. It is quiet.
What prevents us from being confident?
There are several factors that can influence our confidence and the reasons for them often hide in our earlier years:
- Someone has told us that we are incapable, unworthy, not good enough. Someone has undermined our confidence that we can rely on our own abilities. And so we have started to "believe" that we can't manage.
- Somebody has protected us from difficulties. But in life we need to face challenges so that we can believe in our strengths. It is similar to training our muscles. If we haven't faced enough difficult situations to test and convince ourselves that we can manage, how can we believe that we are capable? We need to have our personal experiences and make our own mistakes.
- Somebody has boosted our confidence. Somebody has put us on a pedestal and pumped up our belief about how much we can achieve and how well we can manage. As a result discrepancy with reality may occur. We can fall from this height. When we praise a child it should be realistic and connected to visible achievements.
- We were not set boundaries. Freedom is a good thing for a child but within certain limits. When children have to judge for themselves what is good and what is bad, for some of them this can build strong character but for others it can result in insecurity and inability to make decisions.
- Uncertainty used to be an example, a norm in our early life. When we see insecure adults around us, how can we learn to be confident?
Nine practical ideas about what we can do if we feel insecure, as well as more information about the difference between confidence and overconfidenceyou can see in this interesting video by Alexandra Algaffari.